Determination A Labeled Disabled Post While getting ready for the doctor today the word “Determination” came into my mind as I was having physical problems getting ready. I pressed on and here I am…not just dressed, but ready for the day. I remember as a child, being so small. The cabinets my mom kept the powdered sugar was up high and I wanted it. I wanted something sweet and I was determined to get to that powdered sugar. So first I pulled up a chair…it did not give the height I needed…so from here I stepped on the counter…from here I looked down and thinking, “If I fall my mom is so going to know what I am doing and I am going to be in so much trouble.” But that sugar called my name and as I reached and got the box I had not just the sugar but a certain victory. (Sorry mom…another confession I know.) I remember that sugar being so sweet as I stuck the spoon into it to reward myself from the climb after climbing down on the counter…and easily knew my way back up to put the sugar back up. I have no idea if my mom noticed that sugar level decreasing as it did. So what is determination? Here is what Websters Dictionary says: de•ter•mi•na•tion noun \di-ˌtər-mə-ˈnā-shən\ : a quality that makes you continue trying to do or achieve something that is difficult : the act of finding out or calculating something : the act of officially deciding something However what does it mean to those of us that are not able bodied? It means no matter the struggle…no matter the pain…no matter the limitations we need to push on. We have to learn new ways of doing things. I am unable to scale the kitchen counters to the shelves since 2010…but…there is nothing wrong with asking for help. If you live alone, you can ask someone to help you put things where you can reach them when you are alone. Reach out to your neighbors, churches, wherever you can get help. I know the frustration we feel going out in public… people look at my cane before they look at my face…many tell me I am way too young to be the way I am…but this is who I am now…this is my life now. Adapting can and is very hard when you have been newly diagnosed…as I was after my accident. But if you have determination and a positive look on life, you can still accomplish most of what you put your mind to. I am now saying you can do anything and everything…as our bodies do have its limitations, however we need to learn our limitations. I know as a mother and a wife I have to be careful what I do so I can hold up to cook dinner, then there are days I am unable to cook dinner, and I have to go rest as I have done too much…so do not kick yourself if you are unable to do so much. In stores, I search out the tall people to reach things, instead of scaling the shelves the way I used to do before the accident. I also must give much credit to my team of doctors and nurses that do keep a close monitor of my health. I will be doing more subjects in the near future of- Depression, family, friends, and so much more. I hope all of you have a wonderful Christmas Season!

Labeled Disabled Part 2 Adjusting and Embracing Your Disability

Labeled Disabled Part 2 Adjusting and Embracing Your disability The hardest part of being disabled, is actually coming to terms that you are, well.....disabled. I shared in part one, how active of a life I was leading and everything came to abrupt halt for me. I went from working out in the gym, being a on spot mom, volunteering at school, to not being able to walk in 24 hours. I would tell myself that I would get better in a few months. As the days turned into weeks.. weeks turned into months and months faded into years, my health did not improve. I finally embraced that this was now my life. I slipped into a huge depression. I didn't want to talk in the phone with my friends. I pushed people away...and I went into a world where it was just me, and my thoughts to contend with. Now people that know me..knows me for my smiles, laughter and one to just take each day with humor...and as I woke up one morning I decided one thing. "It was time to wake up, open the windows and let the sunshine in." If I wrote that I never get depressed and discouraged, that would be a lie. I have some bad days still to this day. However when I realized that I still had a few friends that would not let me lay in bed and give up.. I had to get up and embrace life. I had to learn my limitations and I had to learn new ways of doing things..but the most dreaded thing was....................Asking for help. I am quite stubborn and asking for help is not something I do well. I am also 4'11. Now those that are small like me..knows cabinets are a challenge. I used to shimmy up on the counters and grabbed what I needed. Now.. I have to wait for someone to get something I need that I can not reach with my trusty tongs. Yes.. tongs make a wonderful grabber! Just don't try to get a breakable dish down. I often laugh at myself and what my body does, or should I say..what it doesn't want to do. However..there are ALWAYS ways around anything. Here is a wonderful example of adapting to a disability. I have a 15 year old Chihuahua by the name of Spike. He has cataracts, he is senile..he often gets lost in the house, he will scream so we will come to his rescue..but the sad thing, he lost his jaw due to losing his teeth. I would sit for as long as it needed to hand feed him soft food. One day.. he started eating on his own. He adapted to his disability and just learned a new way to eat. He still gets lost, which a search party will form and he just snuggles into the arms of his owners. Now.. if my dog could adapt..I certainly can take the time to adapt to my disability. Then if I need extra attention I just pretend to get lost till I am safe in the arms of my husband. HA It is easier said then done to adapt...but..we have no other choice. We can not in any way close the world out. Our spouses and children and our friends need us. It is not fair to them for us to close ourselves away from them. I often refer to mind over matter. Once you adapt to your disability, find new ways of doing things you are well on your way to learning your limitations. I still have days that I over shoot my limitations. My legs will go numb without any warning and if I don't sit down I often have to yell for help for someone to help me up off the floor. Everyone has their own limitations ...everyone. So find out what you can do..and how long you can do it. For instance, I can get on the treadmill for 3 days a week for about 15 minutes right now. I know to someone with healthy legs and such that does not seem so much..but I was unable to do that several months ago. I actually started doing 3 times a week for 5 minutes. I can cook dinner.. but I have to sit down often while I cook dinner. My husband has banned me from the laundry room as I did take a fall in the laundry room before. I can dust the living room furniture...but I am unable to sweep and mop the floor. So.. as a final note.. 1. Embrace your disability. 2. Ask for help when you need it. 3. Know your limitations and Finally..... NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!! Your days will honestly become much better. On a final note.. if anyone has any questions on how I handle certain situations.. feel free to ask any questions.

Labeled Disabled

Labeled Disabled- The Beginning My life changed the day I woke up in 2010 for a job interview. I was excited and had my outfit laid out. I already had one interview. I knew I had the job in the bag. They just wanted me to meet the main boss. They loved my personality, my love for learning and eagerness to be ready to start my job. I woke up before my alarm went off, but when I went to get out of bed, I could not walk. Try as hard as I might, my legs refused to work. My husband rushed me to the hospital where I was diagnosed with a sprain. They put a soft cast on my leg, gave me crutches and told me follow up with a orthopedic. The orthopedic did so many tests and all of them came back normal. He said, "You know, this does not make sense. If you had back pain, I would say this would...." I cut him off right there and told him how I had always suffered back pain as a result to a near fatale car accident. They had repaired everything in my body that had been broken but I was afraid to let them touch my back. When we hear what so many people have gone through as a result of back surgery, I think it is enough to scare us off from any kind of back surgery. I was then referred to a neurosurgeon. They put me through more tests, physical therapy, and to no avail, I still could not walk. I finally gave into having back surgery. September 2010, I was admitted into the hospital for a new lease on life as they performed a fusion from L5 to S1. As I woke up, I think I wanted to feel good, happy and be ready to get back to living life. I am a mother of 2 children that love to go to the zoo. They loved how active I was with them. I was always taking them swimming and enjoying each and every day. They were as eager as I was to get to feeling much better. My first day after surgery was horrible. I hurt so bad...and yet I knew each and every day would bring another day of healing my way. My 2nd day.. I was up and walking with the help of a walker. It felt great to see both legs walk as they were designed to do. They took me to the PT room, and they taught me how to go up and down stairs again. After 3 days, I was allowed to go home. At first I listened to the directions of taking things slow. Then...the guilt overrode common sense. As a mother it is engrained in our DNA to be up, cooking dinner, doing laundry and making sure our house is more then just a house.. it is a home.. our home. So as I went to the kitchen to get dinner started my body gave out and I took a fall.. once again things went backwards. Long story short... the surgery was a fail. The good news is, I can walk! I walk with a cane. I have to take things slow and I have had to learn a whole new set of limitations. That is the hardest part. Limitations are hard for me to learn..but with these limitations I have learned that there is a stigma to being disabled....and the reason for my title... "Labeled Disabled" Not long after the surgery I had gone into Walmart. Knowing I could not walk the store I got one of those motorized wheelchairs to maneuver through the store. The greeter came up to me..and I was fully expecting him to show me how to use the chair when he told me, "You need to save these for people that need these chairs!" I was hurt.. but I took the chair and used it. This happened for a few times. I did call the manager and the manager did tell me, "This is not a policy of Walmart" He deeply apologized. However.. people do stare.. it turns after talking to several of people.. I must and need to look disabled...there is a stigma.. I look too young to fit into what many people deem disabled. I can understand it as I know there are people that just love to ride the carts..but I was not one of them. I have had people even tell me that my faith in God was not strong enough and that was why I was not healed. I have had people tell me there was sin in my life.. and that was why I was still....well disabled. I ended up even losing my insurance. I finally fought for 2 years and had to get a good attorney to help me with my disability. Thankfully I have insurance once again...but my chances of getting better are slim to none. As my life changed... so many things changed also. I am a graphic and web designer..totally self taught. I was unable to sit at the computer.. thankfully my husband got me a laptop..but I find it hard to get into things once again. Now I am still quick to go places. My neighbor will call me and if she has to go out I grab my cane and off we go. That does lead to increased pain in the evening, so I have had to learn to watch how often we do go out as well. It is imperative that I hold up to give my husband and kids a hot meal as they come home from work and school. Many people ask how I manage to keep on going. I always tell them by the grace of God and pure determination. I keep my muscles as strong as I can around the spine with the help of stretches, and of course my faithful treadmill that I use a few times a week. I want to share in the future how I embrace each and every day.. the trials...the triumphs and even those days that I just want to lay down and cry. This is just the beginning of my journey. I have learned that it can happen to anyone..at any time. I am determined not to feel sorry for myself..but maybe help one person that has woke up one morning.. Labeled Disabled.