Labeled Disabled

Labeled Disabled- The Beginning My life changed the day I woke up in 2010 for a job interview. I was excited and had my outfit laid out. I already had one interview. I knew I had the job in the bag. They just wanted me to meet the main boss. They loved my personality, my love for learning and eagerness to be ready to start my job. I woke up before my alarm went off, but when I went to get out of bed, I could not walk. Try as hard as I might, my legs refused to work. My husband rushed me to the hospital where I was diagnosed with a sprain. They put a soft cast on my leg, gave me crutches and told me follow up with a orthopedic. The orthopedic did so many tests and all of them came back normal. He said, "You know, this does not make sense. If you had back pain, I would say this would...." I cut him off right there and told him how I had always suffered back pain as a result to a near fatale car accident. They had repaired everything in my body that had been broken but I was afraid to let them touch my back. When we hear what so many people have gone through as a result of back surgery, I think it is enough to scare us off from any kind of back surgery. I was then referred to a neurosurgeon. They put me through more tests, physical therapy, and to no avail, I still could not walk. I finally gave into having back surgery. September 2010, I was admitted into the hospital for a new lease on life as they performed a fusion from L5 to S1. As I woke up, I think I wanted to feel good, happy and be ready to get back to living life. I am a mother of 2 children that love to go to the zoo. They loved how active I was with them. I was always taking them swimming and enjoying each and every day. They were as eager as I was to get to feeling much better. My first day after surgery was horrible. I hurt so bad...and yet I knew each and every day would bring another day of healing my way. My 2nd day.. I was up and walking with the help of a walker. It felt great to see both legs walk as they were designed to do. They took me to the PT room, and they taught me how to go up and down stairs again. After 3 days, I was allowed to go home. At first I listened to the directions of taking things slow. Then...the guilt overrode common sense. As a mother it is engrained in our DNA to be up, cooking dinner, doing laundry and making sure our house is more then just a house.. it is a home.. our home. So as I went to the kitchen to get dinner started my body gave out and I took a fall.. once again things went backwards. Long story short... the surgery was a fail. The good news is, I can walk! I walk with a cane. I have to take things slow and I have had to learn a whole new set of limitations. That is the hardest part. Limitations are hard for me to learn..but with these limitations I have learned that there is a stigma to being disabled....and the reason for my title... "Labeled Disabled" Not long after the surgery I had gone into Walmart. Knowing I could not walk the store I got one of those motorized wheelchairs to maneuver through the store. The greeter came up to me..and I was fully expecting him to show me how to use the chair when he told me, "You need to save these for people that need these chairs!" I was hurt.. but I took the chair and used it. This happened for a few times. I did call the manager and the manager did tell me, "This is not a policy of Walmart" He deeply apologized. However.. people do stare.. it turns after talking to several of people.. I must and need to look disabled...there is a stigma.. I look too young to fit into what many people deem disabled. I can understand it as I know there are people that just love to ride the carts..but I was not one of them. I have had people even tell me that my faith in God was not strong enough and that was why I was not healed. I have had people tell me there was sin in my life.. and that was why I was still....well disabled. I ended up even losing my insurance. I finally fought for 2 years and had to get a good attorney to help me with my disability. Thankfully I have insurance once again...but my chances of getting better are slim to none. As my life changed... so many things changed also. I am a graphic and web designer..totally self taught. I was unable to sit at the computer.. thankfully my husband got me a laptop..but I find it hard to get into things once again. Now I am still quick to go places. My neighbor will call me and if she has to go out I grab my cane and off we go. That does lead to increased pain in the evening, so I have had to learn to watch how often we do go out as well. It is imperative that I hold up to give my husband and kids a hot meal as they come home from work and school. Many people ask how I manage to keep on going. I always tell them by the grace of God and pure determination. I keep my muscles as strong as I can around the spine with the help of stretches, and of course my faithful treadmill that I use a few times a week. I want to share in the future how I embrace each and every day.. the trials...the triumphs and even those days that I just want to lay down and cry. This is just the beginning of my journey. I have learned that it can happen to anyone..at any time. I am determined not to feel sorry for myself..but maybe help one person that has woke up one morning.. Labeled Disabled.